I am usually the last one to bed in our house. The boys, of course, go to bed early on school nights. Matt gets up way before the sun to get to work before I've even opened my eyes. I stay up and enjoy having the tv to myself. I let myself zone out and into the land of television where the problems of the day belong to someone else.
Every night before I go to bed I have a routine. It's pretty much the same thing every night.
I fill the coffee maker with liquid gold and set the timer so it will percolate at just the moment Matt will need to set up his caffeine IV.
I start the dishwasher after making sure no one put the plastic bowls on the bottom rack.
I make sure Matt has a lunch ready for the next day. (Yes, I'm the wife that makes her husband's lunch for him. Shut up. I like him.)
I brush my teeth and remove the crusty make up off my crusty face.
I go into the boys' room and check on each one of them.
First is Charlie. He just turned seven. But don't tell anyone. I've decided he won't be growing any older. I pull his three pillows up off the floor, making sure they are not laying on the heater. We don't need to be starting the building on fire. I pull his covers up over him. He kicks them off. I lean over and kiss his warm forehead. I take in his smell. It's usually that of wet dog but I still breathe it in as deep as I can. I pray that he will find his place in this family, in his school, in this world. I pray he sees how special he is. I pray for peace to fill his heart. I pray that he will stop wiping his nose on me.
Next is Chandler. He turned eleven in December. I pull his headphones out of his ears. When I look at him I still him as that chubby baby with cheeks so big you'd think you could pop them with one squeeze. But there he lays. Limbs long and gangly. Face narrow and looking so much like his father it physically hurts my heart. (In a good way. Just clarifying.) I pray that he will keep his tender-hearted kindness in the midst of an unkind world. I pray that he will be strong and stick up for himself and what he believes in. I pray for passion. I pray for peace to fill his heart. I pray that he'll let me kiss him in the drop off lane at school for just a little longer. Mostly I pray that his eyes won't get stuck
when he rolls them.
Up on the top bunk is my little man, Chase. He is quite possibly the smartest eight year old on the planet. I brush my fingers over his freckled nose. I run my hands through his thick hair. Thank God he got my hair and not his father's. I move all of the stuffed animals off his head. I pull the ball of sheets from the end of the bed and straighten out all of his blankets knowing good and well in the morning he will say, "Mom, why'd you do that? I like them all messed up!" He might not be my child. I pray for wisdom. He's smart as a whip. I pray he has the wisdom to do really great things with that gift. I pray for peace to fill his heart. I pray that he doesn't trip and fall any more or randomly walk into walls because we are one bruise away from being reported.
I walk out of their room. I always...always...turn back around and look at them. I pray out loud, "Thank you for my babies, keep them safe."
I sneak into my room as quietly as I can. I plug in my phone and turn on the alarm.
I move the dog off my pillow and out from under the covers. I mutter under my breath about the spoiled dog. I crawl into bed and snuggle up next to my husband, trying not to wake him. If needed, I nudge him. Who can sleep with all that snoring, anyway? I breathe him in and take over his pillow. I try not to let my cold toes touch his. I pray that his work will be blessed. I pray that his health will stay strong. I pray for peace to fill his heart. I pray that he won't get mad when he realizes I waited too late to make his lunch because that episode of Parenthood was so good that I couldn't walk away and halfheartedly threw together a pb&j sandwich.
I close my eyes and say thank you.
Each night I tuck my family in. I do the same thing. Say the same thing. Night after night after night.
And I can't sleep unless I do.
Now that I think about it, I think they are the ones who tuck me in at night.
Sweet dreams, everyone.